It's been a long time again since my last post, I've been enjoying the summer mostly. I'll take some time to update once more and tell you guys how fucking great I feel.
Blunted, we’ve previously had some disagreement about the extent of the merits of exercise in PFS sufferers. I’ve found that regardless of my exercise routine/attempts (I am a former athlete) the muscles do not respond in a pattern of recovery and growth as they did prior to finasteride. I suffer from the same types of muscoskeletal problems where the muscles are too weak to keep the joints in alignment. I’m responding because I’m surprised that you still have a posture such as this if you’re MMA training and have packed on muscle? Are you still able to keep up with the training routine that you had previously?
For me the process of building muscle and recovery has also changed compared to how I was prior to finasteride. What is quite unusual though is for me it's completely the other way. Whereas most people seem to suffer from muscle wastage and inability to exercise, I now build muscle more quickly, have increased strength and a very short recovery time from training. I can start a workout routine for any given sport to have sore muscles the day after. Only after my first session of a certain routine though, every training session I have after that workout will then result in rapid increased stength and never any muscle soreness ever again (unless I start a new workout schedule of course).
To give you an example. Not too long ago I started doing the jefferson squat in my weightlifting routine (example video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kk0aAaBPc40
). The first time I tried it I had major sore muscles the days after, as any normal person would have. The next session I did this exercise though I could lift way heavier and never again did I have sore muscles from the exercise at any time whatsoever. My fitness instructor, a competing bodybuilder himself as well as a steroid user, told me he had never seen anything like that. First of all I can outlift him by a whole lot. And secondly, the recovery period I have is nothing he has ever seen in his years of bodybuilding and the experience (second and first hand) he has with steroids. We're pretty close, but I never told him about taking finasteride. Needless to say, he knows something unusual is going on with me hormonally as he jokingly said I was secretly taking steroids behind his back with me not telling him about it, because that could be the only reason to explain it.
The poor posture I mentioned is something I've always had in my life though and never caused me to have any problems. I can only theorize the muscle loss I experienced shortly after crashing may have worsened this already poor posture and caused even greater muscle imbalance. I've never had musculoskeletal problems as you describe myself where the muscles are too weak to keep the joints properly aligned. For me it's always been muscle imbalance, quite possibly a result of existing poor posture and weightraining that targets the wrong muscles to cause further problems. For my knees it was related to this where my inner leg muscles outpowered the outer leg muscles (for the lack of correct terms, it's be a long while since I've been treated for this hehe) and thus yanking the knee out of proper allignment as it's being used. As stated before there was no muscle weakness involved for me and proper strenghtening of the right muscles has fixed this. It's quite a common injury soccer players have actually. Same sort of thing I see happening a lot when people work out with too much focus on the chest and don't train the shoulders enough. These people usually get the same sort of problems with their shoulder.
And yes I can still keep up with my previous training routines, in fact I've only gotten stronger and stronger and have stepped up my training regimen. Besides weight lifting I am still actively kickboxing which I'm now better at than I've ever been in my life before in terms of cardio, technique and punching & kicking power. In fact my trainer thinks I'm ready to get in the ring, in his words I'd be an A level fighter within a year if I started competing. I'm pretty proud of that since he's a former world champion himself, coming from him that means a lot. And also the fact I can still pull this off with PFS means a great deal to me. I'm currently not competing though seeing as how I don't want to step in the ring until I've recovered.
If anything all the working out and doing sports have helped me out greatly, perhaps more so than anything else, ever since acquiring PFS. First of all it gave me something to focus on when I was totally depressed and at a point in my life where I was completely lost. As I started noticing I was making progress it also restored my self confidence. Not only did I start feeling better both mentally and physically, I also regained faith in my own body, knowing I am able to overcome this and that I will recover.
I can honestly say I feel pretty great lately, sure I'd rather be 100% recovered, but life has been good lately, I generally feel very positive. My erections are great, orgasms are powerful and the semen quality and ammount is just perfect too. I can jerk off two times in a very short time and still do good sexually on these mentioned fronts. I can definitely say sexual side effects have improved a lot over time and still appear to do so. I'm still nowhere near my former self though in terms of libido and the fact that having orgasms still affects me negatively the days after. The main thing I've found that orgasms generally affect is my sleep and thereby starting a chain reaction of other symptoms, being the overly aggressive behaviour I will have the day after and also the muscle twitches. I dunno wether it's the bad sleep or the hormonal changes because of having an orgasms, or both, but I will be so tense and extremely pissed off that it's not uncommon that I blow off some steam by punching holes in my doors and walls. Having orgasms does not affect my ability work out in any way shape or form though, I won't lose any strength or endurance. Long term abstinence also seems to improve my libido I can tell from my last try. So what I'm now planning on doing is staying abstinent for a very, very long time and see what it does for me. I've never tried it for more than a month and having orgasms seems to do more bad than good anyway. So why not stay away from it, seeing as how my low libido tells me physically my body doesn't need or want it anyway.
Benzos are highly addictive and lose their effect after a short while, please be aware of this before you take them again.
Thanks for your concern, it's much appreciated. I was taking this stuff under my general practicioner's supervision, he never prescribed me more than 7 pills to prevent me getting addicted. The last thing he wants is having yet another drug causing more problems.
In the meantime, since my last post, I've also tried a medicine called ambien for sleep. It seemed to help me nearly in the exact same way temazepam did. For me it's an effective symptom manager than improves my sleep to some extent. My final 2 pills from the 7 pill strip didn't do jack shit though and it lost it's effect entirely, I slept just as bad without as without taking them.
I've now found what is really working for me though. Since 4 days I've been taking gabapentin
and goddamn does it work for me. Whereas before I was only able to sleep for an average of 6 to 7 hours on a good day, this stuff let's me sleep very deep for 9 to 10 hours straight. And when I wake up, I feel so damn awesome. After the first night of taking it, I woke up with some solid morning wood and felt better than I've felt in a very, VERY long time. I wake up so refreshed and feeling good. I hear the birds sing, see the sun shine outside and realize what a beautiful day it is. Instead of waking up grumpy and pissed off I now think of what a great day it is and all the cool things I could do. I take days like these as a blessing and a reminder of how great life can be and how awesome it will be all the time again once I've recovered. Because I truly believe I will sooner or later.
Ermm yea that's all for now, long ass fucking post this turned out to be lol.